


As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you

by Multifandomfanfics



Category: Forever (TV 2014)
Genre: Based on a Billie Eilish Song, Drinking to Cope, Fluff and Angst, Karaoke, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad, Singing, Song: Everything I Wanted (Billie Eilish), Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22634938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandomfanfics/pseuds/Multifandomfanfics
Summary: It's been exactly two years since Jo lost her husband and she tries to cope.
Relationships: Jo Martinez/Henry Morgan, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. coping

The room is dark as she lays in bed. Jo knows she should try and get some sleep but she couldn't. Tomorrow was the anniversary of her husband's death and that thought kept her awake. It was in her mind every damn second. As Jo sighs and turns over, her mind drifts to the liquor cabinet she had stocked the day before. Maybe what she needed to go to sleep was a drink. Or two. She hesitates, though, not wanting to be hungover in the morning. After a few moments of pondering Jo gave into her urges and got up. 

The oversized sweatshirt that had ridden up in her sleep was now back to where it was before, mid thigh and covering the dark red shorts she had slipped on after her long shower. Jo had been in the shower for so long that she couldn't tell the difference between her tears and the water. Jo pulled her hair into a loose and messy bun before heading downstairs. A cold drift met her and she felt as if he was reaching out to her. Jo shook her head, mentally declaring that this was her sleep deprived brain playing tricks on her. 

Jo headed into the kitchen and turned on the stove light, leaving the area in a warm dim glow as she started to think about what alcohol she would drink right now. She didn't want anything to strong but she sure as hell didn't want to be awake right now. Jo finally decided on a bottle of moscato. It was one of her favorites. It had a bite to it but for the most part the taste was almost like soda with a hint of vodka infused in it. Now to get to the wine glasses she had to climb up onto the counter. She almost dropped the glass but successfully made it down without killing herself in the process. 

Jo sat the bottle and glass on the kitchen table and began pouring a portion of the alcohol into the glass. She can hear the faint sound of fizz and the slight smell of the alcohol and she smiles. Jo takes a sip before sighing. It just, it felt weird. Normally Henry would be over, making sure she was alright but he had been exhausted from the tough case today. She didn't want to burden him and make him even more tired trying to make his way over here. He'd probably fall asleep at the wheel and that is something Jo does not want at all. 

Before she knows it the glass is now empty. Jo glances at the green digital numbers right above the stove. Since she is a bit tipsy, it does take her a few moments to see what time is it but soon she realizes it only around 12:30. Jo could have sworn that it was later because it sure as hell felt like it was 3 in the morning. Jo was about to go for a second glass of wine but she yawned and that was enough to cause Jo to decide to just go upstairs and go to sleep. 

She cleans her small mess, making sure the wine and the glass are both in their respective places before turning off the stove light.

Jo realizes that it's snowing lightly from a quick look that the window that was near the door and she smiles. He had always loved the snow and now... Her smile vanishes and she blinks away the tears that pool in her eyes. Jo shakes her head before going up to her bedroom. The bed is not so warm anymore so Jo quickly turns on the space heater that rested in the corner of the room. The coils glow bright orange, bringing a faint glow to the room as Jo climbs back into her bed. Sleep claims her but tears stream down her face while she sleeps. Maybe it won't be so bad in the morning. Maybe. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo wakes up from a dream and decides not to 'feel' until she gets home from work. She just wants a distraction from today.

She dreamed of him. The atmosphere of her dreams contained warmth and happiness. It was a sharp contrast to the cold and harsh reality that she woke up to. Jo cringed at how the other half of the bed was cold. When he was here that side always had a tint of warmth to it. Now It just feels empty. A void that Jo wishes didn't exist. Jo glances at clock and realizes that she still has an extra hour of sleep before her alarm goes off. She tries to go back to sleep, in an attempt to try and catch the rest of the dream. She gives up when the warmth and happiness of her dreams fail to return to her mind. Jo pushes herself out of bed and heads straight for the bathroom. The light is bright and she blinks her eyes a few times to get used to its intensity. Her hair is a mess, half down and half is in a bun. Jo reaches to the bun and pulls at the ponytail holder until her hair is completely down. 

Jo turns the knob on her shower and while she is waiting for the water to warm up a little bit, she begins to undress herself. Once she is completely nude, she steps into the shower. Jo opens her shampoo bottle and pours a generous amount into her hair. She then begins messaging her scalp, effectively rubbing the shampoo into her dark brown hair. Her eyes are closed to avoid getting any soap in them. Steam escapes the vicinity of the shower and begins to cause to mirror to be encased in a thin cloud of fog. The water is extremely hot but it numbs her. It is what she needed to get through the day. Jo hated when her emotions and feelings clouded her judgement while she was working a case. She tries to keep the emotions at home while she is at work. 

**You can feel later. Later,** **but** **not now.**

Jo snickered at her thoughts and rinses the remaining shampoo from her hair before washing her body. The soap has a nice warm scent of vanilla and for a split second it almost sends her back into the dream of where she was with her late husband. Jo sighs, blinking away the tears that were pooling in her eyes. She quickly washes the soap off and turns off the shower. She does not want to cry right now. Jo hates driving when she's upset. After a quick glance of the clock only 45 minutes have passed. It's currently 6:45 and technically Jo does not have to be at work until eight. Jo plugs the blowdryer up and begans drying her hair. She is a bit chilly from stepping out of the warm shower right into the wood floor but the warmth from the blowdryer as it blows air is enough to take the chill off from her body. Once her hair is dry she unplugs it and puts it back into its respective place. The thick cloud of steam had already dissipated as Jo had opened the bathroom door to allow it to air out. 

Jo heads into her walk in closet and starts going over her options on her work attire for that day. Jo heads back to her nightstand and grabs her phone in order to do a quick check of the weather. The high for today is 35 and the low is 23. Jo then decides to wear black. It is seen as a depressing color but darker clothes are normally seen jn the winter because they actually retain more heat than light clothes. She opens her dresser and grabs a matching black pair of bras and panties. She puts the bra over her shoulders and clasps the back of it. Her breasts are perfectly snug in the bra and she steps into the panties and pulls them up until they are over her ass. Jo turns the light on and she notices that the sun is becoming hidden in the clouds. She does remember something about a chance of rain possibly a snow shower today. Jo isn't suprised about it, though. It is the anniversary of her husband's death after all. A lone tear slowly cascades down her left cheek and she wipes it before returning back to her closet. 

She picks a black sweatshirt and pulls it over her head. Jo briefly embraces its warmness before grabbing a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. She puts her legs through and pulls them up in one quick, fluid motion. They are a size five and they couldn't fit anymore perfectly than they did right now. They compliment her figure. The jeans are snug, but not tight. She is able to button them up and pull up the zipper without being in discomfort. After smoothing out the tiny wrinkles in her pants, Jo snags a pair of grey and black socks from the dresser. She slips them on her feet before turning her attention to her hair. She takes a few moments before deciding to keep it straight. All she needed to do was just comb it a little. Jo decides to wear little to no makeup today. She doesn't wear foundation or mascara when its raining, even though most of her makeup is waterproof. Jo doesn't want to test that theory. Jo chuckles and shakes her head at her own thoughts before grabbing a pair of dark grey shoes. Jo grabbed the black comb that was on top of her dresser and began pulling the thing down her hair, starting with the roots and ending with her tips. 

She pulls them over her socked feet before choosing to check the time again. This time it was 7:25. Jo sighed in relief when she realized she still had time to warm up her car and make herself something to eat. She just hoped that there was a case so her mind would be off the horrific anniversary that was today. Maybe she just needed a distraction. Jo quickly prepared her go bag. It contained her phone, charger, wallet, badge, gun and other items. She grabbed her keys, making sure to shut off the space heater before she closed the door to her bedroom and started heading down stairs to the kitchen. As she is waiting for her cup of coffee, she quickly eats a seasoned bagel. Jo pulls out her phone and turns her car on, making sure that the heat in her vechicle is on the highest setting possible. With a quick click the heated seats were also activated. 

Jo pours a bit of creamer and sugar into her coffee before transfering the pipping out beverage into a cup that she could open and close at her discretion. She runs to the closet right by the door and throws two pairs of gloves, hats and scarves, into her go bag. The flavor of the bagel still lingers on her tongue and Jo decides to grab the whole bag. She never realized how good they were until now. Jo takes a sip and it sends a trail of warmth down her throat. It is still only 7:40 but Jo heads opens the door and steps outside. The sky is dark and if she didn't know any better she would think that it was nighttime outside. She locks her front door before heading to her waiting car. Jo gets in and places her things ino the passenger side of her car. She revels in the heater for about five or so minutes. Jo shakes her head pf the incoming thoughts about the extreme importance of today before beginning her journey to work. Hopefully it won't be as bad to deal with as she thinks it will. Hopefully. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo goes into work and finds out some bad news for her. And then finds out some hopefully good news.

As she pulls out of the driveway, music begins playing. Rain starts to fall as she drives to work. Raindrops can be heard hitting the roof of her car and Jo suddenly starts to pay attention to the lyrics of the song that was playing on the radio as she drove across the bridge that lead to her work. 

_**Thought I could fly. So I stepped off the golden.** _

Her eyes direct to the water that was at least 50 feet from the bridge. What if, she had just got out of her car right now and jumped? Or better yet, if she had just drove right off the damn thing? What was it called again? Jo could have sworn that this feeling was something on the lines of The Call of the viod, which was having a feeling of driving into oncoming traffic or jumping off a bridge but not actually going through with that plan. Maybe it was good that she decided not do go through with it. Her mind instantly drifted to how Henry would feel and she could never do that to him. He would be extremely heart broken. 

A sharp exhales leaves her mouth as the end of the bridge nears. She just hoped that there was something that would distract her or something. Jo parked her car at exactly 7:50. Instead of getting out and heading inside, she just sat there. Her mind was running wild with thoughts and it was starting to become more and more difficult to keep her anxiety and feelings at bay. So much was running through her mind at the moment, it was almost making her dizzy. Jo takes a moment to clear her mind and to take a deep breath before going inside. She is met with cold air and an involuntary shiver runs through her body as she grabs her bag, badge, and gun. 

She then closes the door and locks her car before heading inside. Hanson greets her with a smile before motioning for her to come over to him. Jo smiles back softly and approaches him. 

"The case.. The only one we had today, was just solved. Boss is sending us all home"

Dread and anxiety settle in her chest but she is successful in hiding her true feelings. Jo takes a breath before nodding and looking around. She sees that most people are packing up to head home. Some are talking about immediately passing out when they go home. While some are talking about going out to eat. Jo feels like the most unluckiest person in the world. Of course this had to be the day where there were no cases to be solved at all. And now since she had to go home, Jo would be force to face her feelings head on. She is pulled from her thoughts by Henry‘s voice. Jo is startled and jumps a little before turning to face him, hoping that he would not see right through her facade. 

"I apologize, dectective. I did not mean to startle you" Henry softly says as he begins studying her. 

"Oh. It‘s fine. Since there was no case, today we all are being sent home" Jo takes great effort to keep the unsteady emotions from leaking into her tone of voice. Henry can sense that somehing is wrong but he can't yet firgure out what it is. 

"So, I‘ve heard. Would you like me to come over? I could make some hot chocolate"

Jo smiles. This is the perfect solution. Henry could be her distraction from today. She just hopes that she would be able to keep it together. Henry tool her smile as a yes, and walked away to make a quick phone call to Abe. The phone rang a few times before he had answered the call. 

"Abe, I will not require a ride. I will be at Jo‘s today."

There was a brief beat of silence before Abe responded with "Alright, just call me if anything changes" 

Henry could tell that Abe was sleeping. Abe didn't question why Jo and Henry were not going to work, he was simply just half asleep. Henry returned back to the Jo who was waiting for him. The pair headed outside and as the cold air hit them, they both shivered a little. Jo instantly turned on the heat in the car to as high as it would go. Henry sighed as he felt the warmth of the car. As they started their journey to her place, Henr noticed that Jo seemed more quiet than she normally was. Henry didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything of that nature. He was just worried about her. As the car started crossing the bridge, he could see Jo tense up a little bit. He hesistated before deciding to speak hjs mind. 

"Are you alright?"

Jo freezes. "Um, yeah. Yeah I‘m fine"

That didn't sound very convincing to him but Henry decided not to pressure her about it. Maybe she would open out more when they had arrived to her house and got some hot chocolate and a few snacks in their systems. Maybe


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry‘s concern for Jo doubles when she goes upstairs and doesn't return

As they got closer and closer to her house, the song that Jo had listened to on her way to work kept playing in her head. In response to it, Jo repositioned herself while the vehicle was stopped at the last red light before her house. Henry noticed the shift but he kept trying to decide on whether or not to ask if she was alright again. He ultimately chose to ask once Jo wasn't driving. Jo parked and took a deep breath before grabbing the keys out from her cupholder. Henry got out of the car, grimacing at the dropping air temperatures. Jo grabbed the rest of her stuff and made her way up the stairs, trying desperatly to keep the growing anxiety at bay. She knew tha she would have to talk about what was wrong. Jo would feel guilty if she told him that nothing was wrong with her. He was just trying to help, after all. 

Jo just hates feeling this helpless. She just wants to not feel like a burden. Jo sighes and turns to Henry who is seemingly studying her intently. She is the first one to break eye contact as she glances towards the carpet. Jo takes a deep breath before breaking the tense silence that is hanging in the air like a cloud of thick smoke. 

"I‘ll be right back. You can start on the hot chocolate."

Jo sees that Henry is having a dilemma of his own. She instantly knows what is it. 

"I just wanna change into something more casual" Jo confirms as she makes her way up stairs. As soon as she is away from him she inhales unsteadily. Jo panics a little. This cannot be happening. Jo just wants the feeling to hold off until she‘s alone. Anxiety, however doesn't hold off from anyone.

* * *

Henry remembers where the ingridients for the hot chocolate as last time he had came over they had hot chocolate, as well. It was almost like a tradition, now. Speaking of Jo, he had not heard any noise for at least a few minutes. She should be changed into more comfortable clothes now, should‘nt she? Henry stopped his preparation of the hot beverage and stood there for another few minutes. After about five minutes have passed and Jo had still failed to return downstairs, Henry had gave into the growing sensation of concern and heads up stairs. 

* * *

Jo has changed into a comfortable pair of blue jeans and a plain red t-shirt. She is seated on the end of her bed, holding her husband‘s picture as endless tears stream down her face. Jo hasnt had an anxiety attack since the day she had found out about her husband‘s death. She knows the signs: tightening of her chest, difficulty breathing, cold but sweaty skin, and so on. Jo tried not to feel until she was alone. She tried to keep it all together until she was alone Maybe what some company was just what she needed. She hears a voice. It was the voice of her husband. He tells her that it‘s okay to move on to someone else. A sob escapes from deep within her throat. A knock is heard from the other side and she knows without a shadow of a doubt that it‘s Henry. She could hear the worry drip of his voice like a faucet that hasn‘t been shut off completely.

Jo tries to open her mouth and speak but what comes out is a mixture of sobs and gasps for air that her body refuses to take in. Thank God, the door is unlocked. Henry walks slowly into her bedroom. His heart ache at what he sees before him. As he notices that she is clutching a picture close to her chest, he realizes what today is. It is indeed the anniversary of her husband's death. That is why, to Henry, Jo seemed a bit off. Jo sees the concern and worry all over Henry‘s face. His eyes twinkle with sympathy and he closes the door behind himself. At this moment Jo decides to let herself feel. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry calms Jo down from an anxiety attack

Once she allows herself to feel. It hits her all at once. It isn't like a tsunami, or a freight train. What she feels as this moment is much more powerful. All 37 emotions that is slamming into her body, mind and soul all at once, takes her breath away. Henry hesistantly approaches her. He can't seem to find the right words, so he just sits down, right next to her. Her sobs are heartbreaking and her breaths are becoming increasingly more rapid as time passes. Jo feels the hurt deep down within her heart. She feels her heart twist with sorrow inside her chest as the picture falls towards the floor. At this point, Jo doesn't even bother pickin it back up. She's too far into the anixety attack to. Instead she vaguely feels her hands reach out and touch Henry's. He tenses up next to her and grabs boty of her hands with his own. He finally got a good look at her. 

Her eyes were red and puffy as an endless stream of tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her skin was pale, except her face, which was as red as a freshly picked strawberry. When she starts to choke to breaths that are coming in far too fast and far too hard, Henry knows that he has to calm her down somehow. He squeezes her hands lightly, hoping to somehow get her attention. His attempts fail as Jo is in a whole 'nother world. Maybe he needs to speak to her. Tell her that he's right here. Tell her that everything will eventually be alright. And that is what he does. He moves a bit closer to the trembling form right beside him. Henry begins to speak. 

"Try and take deep breaths, Jo" Henry makes sure to keep his voice soft and low, so he can avoid causing more panic. 

"c-c-can't" is all Jo is about to manage in between bouts of her wheezing. She puts a hand up to her chest in an effort to ease the tightness that she feels. It feels as if someone is wrapping a rubberband around her chest and she just wants it to stop. In response Henry takes her pulse. He places his index and ring finger on her left wrist. His eyes widen at how fast her heart seems to be beating. Jo breathing seems to constantly be catching on a hitch. She feels as if she is blowing up a ballon with only a single breath to spare. Henry hesistates once more before cupping her face in between his hands. Jo startles at the sudden intimacy between them. Henry brings himself closer and closer to her until his mouth is adjacent to her ear. He makes sure that is tone of voice is soft and lower than ever. 

"Slow, deep breaths" Henry murmurs softly in her ear and all at once, Jo slumps against him, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. Her eyes are galzed over as he catches her again his broad chest. Jo's head falls to rest between the crook of his shoulder and neck. His chest takes majority of her weight as he carefully wraps her arms around her. He can feel her heart beat extremely fast. It's a deep contrast to his own heart, which is beating calmly. Jo hiccups in a feeble breath and chokes on it. Her chest tightens even more if that is even possible. She just wants this to end. Jo hates feeling this helpless. Henry rubs comforting circles in her back and Jo is fisting the back of his button up shirt tightly. The lack of air makes her feel woozy and that is when she finally takes a slow breath. Henry takes notice of this and sighs in relief. It's not a deep as he would like it to be but it's still a breath nonetheless. He whispers into her ear as her breathing returns to a regular pace. Hopefully she will open herself more now that the two of them had a moment of intimacy. Hopefully


End file.
